It’s the morning of feb 2 as I write this short insight to what I am feeling right now.
If my mom comes to know that I’m doing this, she’s going to kill me for sure…
The year of 2008 was quite uneventful for me, in terms of academic achievements and other co-curricular activities. I did nothing so special that I can mention with great pride or honor. Just won an interschool science quiz and a painting competition. But for the first time, felt no such happiness and gratitude for them. Despite several denials from my parents, I participated in quite a few other events such as rangoli making, math-e-mania etc. etc..but this all is what I have been doing all my life.
Class 10th – the most crucial month that I may have had in my life. Has turned out to be a nightmare.
All these years, I have studied a lot to secure the most coveted first position in all the academic years. All my classmates used to hail me as “the most studious and boring student” of the class.
But I don’t know what really happened to me in class 10th.by far, I have performed my worst in the first, second and the preboards exams, and letting my parent’s heads down.
At the starting of 10th, I had set my target to 98%, which I forgot in midway of the year.
After analyzing a lot about myself in the past few days, I realized that I had been “living” all this while. Which I was not supposed to do at all, whilst I am in class 10th.
Surely, anyone would be baffled to read this, but really I had lived for the past 10 months.
During the time to study, I read novels and books like “Harry potter” and watched t.v endlessly for hours at a stretch.
At nights I gossiped with my sister about all the things that go around, often fell ill and took leaves from school, went to the park in the evenings to enjoy the scenic beauty and the natural environment and spent some quality time with myself.
What else can be more enlightening when you start listening to your heart and start doing what you really wanted to do.
But this isn’t how my life should be.
I am not supposed to live it.
I am only allowed to slog it
We all are born to get good marks, be the toppers, be the froth of the cream and to get a good job, to get married to an equally talented man and then, work in the household.
I ask myself, what’s life?? Who am i??
What am I supposed to do?
And as quickly as I ask these questions, I get the reply.
GO AND STUDY!!
Exactly after one month I’ll appear for the boards. I have to get back to studying day and night as I used to do an year ago. When I was just existing and not living!
I have well established in my mind that to be called a human, you should be working like machines, and not show any emotion whatsoever.
The most important thing for me is the boards now, coz my whole life depends on them.
Now my mom is here to remind me again that I ought to study.
And maybe this is right for me, that I should study to get the marks that I want.
Ah! What a life I have…
It felt as if I had really lived a little for the past 10 months. but it was the wrong time to live..because the world expects me to work hard. And we all live for this world. So let’s get back to studying and succeed…life can be lived later!
If my mom comes to know that I’m doing this, she’s going to kill me for sure…
The year of 2008 was quite uneventful for me, in terms of academic achievements and other co-curricular activities. I did nothing so special that I can mention with great pride or honor. Just won an interschool science quiz and a painting competition. But for the first time, felt no such happiness and gratitude for them. Despite several denials from my parents, I participated in quite a few other events such as rangoli making, math-e-mania etc. etc..but this all is what I have been doing all my life.
Class 10th – the most crucial month that I may have had in my life. Has turned out to be a nightmare.
All these years, I have studied a lot to secure the most coveted first position in all the academic years. All my classmates used to hail me as “the most studious and boring student” of the class.
But I don’t know what really happened to me in class 10th.by far, I have performed my worst in the first, second and the preboards exams, and letting my parent’s heads down.
At the starting of 10th, I had set my target to 98%, which I forgot in midway of the year.
After analyzing a lot about myself in the past few days, I realized that I had been “living” all this while. Which I was not supposed to do at all, whilst I am in class 10th.
Surely, anyone would be baffled to read this, but really I had lived for the past 10 months.
During the time to study, I read novels and books like “Harry potter” and watched t.v endlessly for hours at a stretch.
At nights I gossiped with my sister about all the things that go around, often fell ill and took leaves from school, went to the park in the evenings to enjoy the scenic beauty and the natural environment and spent some quality time with myself.
What else can be more enlightening when you start listening to your heart and start doing what you really wanted to do.
But this isn’t how my life should be.
I am not supposed to live it.
I am only allowed to slog it
We all are born to get good marks, be the toppers, be the froth of the cream and to get a good job, to get married to an equally talented man and then, work in the household.
I ask myself, what’s life?? Who am i??
What am I supposed to do?
And as quickly as I ask these questions, I get the reply.
GO AND STUDY!!
Exactly after one month I’ll appear for the boards. I have to get back to studying day and night as I used to do an year ago. When I was just existing and not living!
I have well established in my mind that to be called a human, you should be working like machines, and not show any emotion whatsoever.
The most important thing for me is the boards now, coz my whole life depends on them.
Now my mom is here to remind me again that I ought to study.
And maybe this is right for me, that I should study to get the marks that I want.
Ah! What a life I have…
It felt as if I had really lived a little for the past 10 months. but it was the wrong time to live..because the world expects me to work hard. And we all live for this world. So let’s get back to studying and succeed…life can be lived later!
wow nupur....never new u could write so well....awesome..and yeah i agree absolutely with whatever u've written...could identify with it so well...only difference is that i've been living all my life long..even before class 10th lol
ReplyDeletehehehhe...yeah i kno...u hav enjoyed ur life...but as u kno me...i haven;t...
ReplyDeleteHi Nupur,
ReplyDeleteThis is Chachi and Chacha...Followed the link to your blog and was very happy to read through your blog. Cannot believe that you are the same li'l Nupur who used to love cutting paper (and everything else) with a pair of scissors...
You surely should work for these few years till you get into a professional college...and then you'll have all the time to 'live' your life. This may seem 'cliched gyan' to you but we can share this with you because we also went through similar situations in life!
All the best....and hope you fulfil your dreams.